I'm feeling really angry. I hate when people call me a hypocrite. Especially Noble. This from the guy who went back on EVERYTHING he promised me. I get facebook to try and rejoin the world of being social and I get ridiculed. He fucks his dirty ex girlfriend after promising me he would NEVER do something like that, and i took him back. Like a desprate idiot.
There is no one that I trust to let in and trust not to rip me to shreds. It's my own fault. I should have known... retrospect is always 20/20. It makes me sad that I could have ended it so much sooner and I would have been so much better off. Less heart ache.
I'm meant to be alone. I just need to deal with it. I'm far too complicated to have anyone get me and love me. Tall order. Too tall. Why do I try? Well it sucks being alone that's why.
No one will truly accept me.
I'm not a very good liar. But it's not a lie if I think it's true or it is true at the time. That's what stupid boys like Noble don't understand. People change. Everyone changes. It's inevitable.
Noble, like many of my other past relationships just makes me really mad. All the shit he said to me, all the truths he contrived. He'll say ' you fed me a lot of bs'. But 10 minutes earlier 'I love you, i accept you for you'. Just makes me realize that all men are liars. They want the pussy and they'll do and say ANYTHING to get it. The trick is to realize it's all bullshit.
Life makes me depressed.. in the most non-dramatic way possible. I want to cry, bathe and die.
Instead I'm going to use my awesome self control and wash the dishes and be productive so tomorrow will be a better day than today. I wish everyone knew how hard life is. How hard getting up and doing anything is. I'm not lazy because I'm prone to depression. I know this and I try to avoid it. I try really really fucking hard. So hard that when I can't help it, I hate myself even more.
It's 9:00 I think I'll wash dishes and go to bed. It's not too early. Tomorrow will always be better.
<3
